You Can’t Make Everyone Happy!?
I think we all know that we can’t make everyone happy. However, this knowledge does not always stop us from trying.
I’ve lost count of how many Bridges interviews that I’ve done over 27 years -but I do remember that one commonly repeated theme is people pleasing and the trouble is causes.
People pleasers are individuals who consistently prioritize the needs of others over their own. While people pleasers usually appear to be kind and agreeable outwardly, many of them are suffering internally due to their own self-neglect. Many people pleasers find themselves exhausted and resentful over their compulsive need for approval to sustain relationships. I confess I am a recovering people pleaser.
So how do you know if you are a people pleaser? Ask yourself these questions:
Do you have trouble saying no?
Do you have trouble advocating for yourself?
Are you so keenly aware of others’ needs that you put yourself last on the list?
Do you worry about what others think?
If You Answered Yes…
If you answered yes to those questions, then you may be a people pleaser. Here’s what the Bible says about fearing the opinions of people.
The fear of human opinion disables;
trusting in God protects you from that.
Proverbs 29:25 TMB
On the Bridges set I’ve heard stories about people going into significant debt out of fear of what others will think. There have also been cases where people compromise their faith over the fear of losing a relationship. I talked with one young lady who went to a particular college out of the fear of losing her boyfriend. Going to that school meant she had to give up her major and change to something else. Since the boyfriend’s college didn’t offer a nursing program, she had to give up on her plan to become a nurse. People pleasing can take on many shapes and the consequences are unique to the situation.
What to do if you know you need to give up people pleasing? One of my Bridges guests offered this helpful and practical advice. Pause. You can say things like I will need to get back with you on that. Another helpful practical tip is to ask yourself this question: Will I regret this later? Of course, life situations vary dramatically, but making a commitment to pause may give you the time you need to better evaluate the situation/decision.
Am I helping out of fear of what others will think?
Changing longstanding habits and patterns of thinking takes time, and prayer. It can be hard at times to recognize the difference between pleasing people and being kind and helpful. As believer in Christ, we want to be kind of helpful. We just don’t want our desire to be kind of helpful to become a trap.
How can you tell if you are being kind and helpful or falling into the people pleasing trap? Asking yourself these questions may be helpful:
Am I saying yes because I genuinely want to do so?
Am I lending a helping hand out of fear of what others might think?
Let’s say you are at work and a co-worker is overwhelmed with a project. If you start helping them because you genuinely care about their well-being and you want to be kind – that is being helpful. However, if you are helping because you fear disapproval if you decline – that is people pleasing.
It may take some time and effort to overcome people pleasing. However, when we make trusting God our main priority our lives will be more enjoyable and peaceful.
Today’s Secret from the Studio: When people pleasing isn’t your goal – inner peace is sure to follow.
Monica Schmelter is the host of Bridges aired on the Christian Television Network in over 50 million homes. You can also watch Bridges on ROKU and the CTN APP on demand. Monica and her husband Joseph have one adult son. They recently welcomed a daughter in-love into their family.
